Sunday, August 16, 2015


Every day, I plug those nutrition numbers into the site and it tells me if I have been good- no red numbers or bad- red, blinking beacons of naughty.  And each time I tell it I have lost a pound it takes away more calories.  Ok, I'm no longer on the theory that like credit balances calories should expand not contract.  I got to thinking about it, what am I losing every time I lose 6 calories?  A baby carrot.  I now count my weight loss in how many carrots a day I am no longer allowed to eat.  I figure by the time I am no longer allowed to eat a 3 lb bag of carrots a day I should be at the weight I want to be at.  Funnily enough, the website keeps telling me I am gaining weight, eating like I am.  Fooled it, I'm down 5 carrots!

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Credit cards and weight loss have nothing in common..

I plug my nutritional facts into the website and get the joys of a daily reminder that I suck at controlling my own nutrition without it.  And the sad fact is, I have been to two nutritionists, been a bodybuilder and plan on a career in nutrition- you know because my plans for a career in forensic psychology, history professor, social studies teacher, massage therapist, grief counselor, corrections officer, cop, kayak instructor, Maine guide, dermtatologist...(wtf else?) have panned out so well for me- I was actually shocked to find that for every pound I lose, they subtract calories!  Subtract my precious, measly calories?  HOW DARE YOU!  The fat chick wants cake!  Apparently, my theory that as I lose weight I will get to eat more is just a pipe dream.  That it is not, in fact, like a credit card- behave well and we extend your credit.  I can only compare it to my student loan debt- pay it down slowly, watch your debt get smaller and the whole process is a painful process that leaves you unsatisfied and POOR- because eating well and owning a gym membership/ home gym is freakin' expensive.  I want to say, "No thanks, I might as well stay fat".